Being good isn’t always easy

 

First Joost, now Vuyo Mbuli? Not that having an affair with another woman is illegal, and not nearly as explosive as snorting cocaine off a hooker’s ass (I could be wrong about that last part) but I think the implications for Vuyo as a Morning Live presenter could be at least as serious. Are they going to fire him, too?

I want to laugh. Not at Vuyo, or even at Joost. One of my favourite songs of all time is Son of a Preacher Man, as sung by Dusty Springfield. And my favourite line is “…being good isn’t always easy, no matter how hard I try…” One of my favourite quotes is Mae West saying “when I am bad I am better”. Sometimes a girl just has to let her hair down, and do something that is out-of-the-ordinary and perhaps more than a little indulgent.

I made it through relatively wild twenties and thirties without accumulating any diseases or addictions. For this I am grateful. I have settled into (by comparison) sedate forties. And sometimes a desire to be delinquent manifests in early sushi dinner by myself at Willoughby’s with a two glasses of Graham Beck chardonnay and the newspaper or spending an entire Saturday on my couch watching ten episodes of The Closer back to back.

But I am a person without commitments to others, and not famous to boot, which means that any (by my own standards, very mild) impropriety is strictly my own concern. More than that, I have never denied accusations of being anti-establishment, so a little deviance on my part is not going to blow the roof off the SABC.

Sleaze can be irresistible, and it is not evil. What is thoughtless and harmful is lying. And pretending to be someone who you are not is lying. (Men often don’t understand this, in my experience. For this reason it is so easy for them to say “I never lied to you,” because in THEIR book, omission is not the same as lying (so that of course is a lie Right There), and they think that saying “I am on my way,  I will be there in five” when they are standing in their mother’s kitchen forty-five minutes away, is somehow not untrue. But that is another story.)

I don’t mean to make light of the pain that Amor and Vuyo’s wife and Vuyo’s alleged girl’s guy  are feeling – the humiliation, the betrayal, the embarrassment. The people who have been touched by these spectacles are miserable and deserve sympathy. When I started this piece it was an attempt to look at the whole, but it turned out impossible to do that without examining the sum of the parts. Which is a pity. Human tragedy comes in packages of flesh and blood, and we are not islands. So what we do very often affect other people, especially when there are children involved.

And that is why children should be taught from a very young age (between beatings) that as long as they do not lie and hurt people, they can do pretty much what they like, and to hell with the rest of the world: with what it thinks, with what it expects, with its double standards and Hollywood-morality lessons. Vuyo, it seems, lied to his wife and by implication, perhaps, his kids. That was wrong, but that is not where the focus of the scandal will be. For me, that is the real tragedy.

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4 thoughts on “Being good isn’t always easy

  1. Surprise Vuma 25 November 2009 / 16:31

    Going to work this morning,a Sowetan advert was screaming,Vuyo Mbuli caught cheating(i might have seen ten before i reached Jo’burg)I thought to myself,are they sceptical of his English?When i finally purchased the paper,i saw the word bedroom,then i realised it’s has to do with with one of those commanments in the bible.I have followed,admired and worshipped the guy since his radio days.An examplery family man,a perfectionist,an example of “from Soweto to Houhgton” with sheer determination.I do not know why i thought he was different,especially after i read the autobiography of Malcom X.Vuyo,i can handle your slip of the toungue on TV,but adultery?

  2. Zanele Xaba 26 November 2009 / 16:13

    Hey Surprise I was surprised as well! I worshiped the groung this man walked on till now…..But then we are all human and we are bound to falter!

  3. Noma 27 November 2009 / 09:26

    Very disappointing Vuyo, very disappointing. If he was 30 I would think mybe he still thinks of his youth but at nearly 40 or more he should be stable man. I am so disappointed.

    • tshepo 30 November 2009 / 23:19

      Women have got a misconception or rather are living in a make believe world thinking that men are different. Of course we are, in a very slight more areas. For instance, beating women, not all men beat women, drink etc but natural instinct or more precisely, desires are so ingrained in our genom that whatever and however hard we try we cannot win so as the going says if you cant beat “nature in this case” join it. I am afraid that men who do not “cheat” (as women would love to call it, but to liberated men, its following the genetic code) might think it wholesome to adjoin themselves in secret with kids as nature put coded demandson them.Another good saying very relevant in this case, “give unto nature that which belongs to nature”

      With much more to say let me reserve the monologue for a well attended future women course on how to manage 12th century man in a 21st skin

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