Sex, real custard and the counter-revolutionaries

Does everybody out there read Hayibo? Well everybody should, because, let’s face it, it’s impossible to take anything one reads in the newspapers these days seriously without taking to drink at the same time.

For example: there is a thing such as World Hypertension Day? What? You send cards and flowers to people with high blood pressure? You eat boring food in solidarity? If it is an awareness campaign, I would like to argue that the people who suffer from hypertension probably know it already, and I am not sure what the rest of us should do. We should certainly not cook the recipes on the Verve pages.

We know that hypertension can lead to heart trouble and kidney failure, and, quite possibly death and/or having to pee into a bag through a pipe for the rest of your life. So, it’s very serious. But I don’t know if I could work my way through Angela’s low sodium recipes even if I was a death’s door and just won the lotto. Cottage cheese with meringues and raspberries? No! I am sure you don’t save a single mg of sodium by not using cream. And custard… Angela makes “custard” with 15ml of custard powder, 15ml of castor sugar and 180ml skim milk. How horrifying. Everybody knows that skim milk tastes like half-milk-half-water, and I would be surprised if the decrease in sodium is even the size of Julius Malema’s brain. What is the point of low-fat custard? Eat a nice, fresh apple if going large in the custard department is not your scene. You need three egg yolks for every cup of half-milk-half-cream, or just leave it alone.

(The polenta triangles sound quite good. I always try not to throw out the baby with the bathwater. But not being a baby person, I admit that I have failed in the past.)

Ruth’s ex, in spite of the good and even imagined reasons why we should have an aversion to both him and his memory, once said an interesting thing that I remember. He said (not verbatim, I am the writer here) that choosing to live sensibly by eating and drinking only healthy things, may not necessarily help you live longer, but it is certainly going to feel like that.

In the famed and ancient Washington Post Style Invitational that has been recycled in the SA blogosphere since at least 2006 as “THIS year’ neologism competition” (I have a very old post to prove how old it is) someone entered “decafalon” (entrants had to change, add or subtract one letter in a word and give it a new meaning), which is the “gruelling process of making it through the day consuming only things that are good for you.”

With her low-sodium proffering, Angela tried to condemn us to not only a long life, but clearly a miserable one. I am more a Dusty Springfield kind-of-a-girl: “being good isn’t always easy, no matter how hard I try” and a believer in the old adage that good girls go to heaven, but bad girls go everywhere.

Which brings me to Helen Zille. Ah.  

What’s with the previously non-disadvantaged provincial cabinet? So she decided not to cowtow ((v.) “when the female leader of the opposition treads lightly on the bruised egos of the ruling party”) to the quota expectations. She said that the questions into the composition of her cabinet was “fair and valid” but that she had “the best fitness-for-purpose match” she could find. I suspect there is a bit of baloney in there, but at least she did not make politically expedient (if utterly confounding) appointments like Angie Motshekga as Minister of Basic Education.  Angie famously defended Julius “20% for woodwork” Malema, saying that education was not a necessary requirement for leadership. I think the George Bush phenomenon confirms her theory. What Angie does not understand is that you DO need an education in order to make a living when not provided for by either family money (Bush) or tucked into bed by the ANC (Julius… oh, the list goes on). Angie… as minister… don’t you think you can change that, and make the South a better place, a home of young people empowered by education? Are those unbelievably stupid men that surround you not incentive enough to inspire you to revolutionary action?

For example, do you think that educated men would fabricate accusations that Mrs. Zille has appointed “a cabinet of useless people, the majority of whom are her boyfriends and concubines, so that she can continue to sleep around with them…” (my emphasis) and that her cabinet members were “kept close enough to satisfy her well-evolved whore libido. She is a fascist of the worst kind, who, after sleeping with more than her fair share of white males, now demonises those who are honest to (sic) their cultural preferences” (all quotes taken from yesterday’s Star).

Oh my. First of all,  who the hell does Kebby Maphatsoe think he is, deciding what is “more than her fair share of white males”? This is entirely her prerogative, please Kebby, keep out of Mrs Zille’s bedroom.

On the other hand, I am glad that he brought up “cultural preferences” which means you can actually choose whether to sleep with your HIV-positive cousin without using a condom or not. The implication is also, of course, that if you DO choose to sleep with your HIV-positive cousin without using a condom, that his could be justified as Zulu culture, which could go some way to explain the terrible figures for HIV and Aids in KwaZulu-Natal. If Kebby watched his mouth as closely as he observed Mrs Zille’s sexual habits, he might have realised that he should just rather put a sock in it. His poorly expressed defence of JZ is doing more harm than good. Eh… if anybody know what Kenny got for woodwork, I would like to too. Please.

The rape trial and all its sordid details was undeniably in the public interest. JZ was, at the time, the leader of the “Moral Regeneration Movement” and deputy president. He should have been a good example. Not a terrible warning.

Helen Zille’s sexual proclivities, on the other hand, unless proven to be physically dangerous to other people, has nothing to do with the world, whether she sleeps with her entire cabinet on a rotation basis or not. For now. So I would imagine that Mrs Zille can sue the crap out of both Kenny and Floyd Shivambu of the ANCYL for libel and defamation. I would do it. They really have gone too far. JZ’s sexual activity is a matter of public record. He admitted to having unsafe sex with “Khwezi”. He has a number of wives. He did endanger them. If that is not a slap in the face for women, Tony Ehrenreich, I don’t know what is.

So that was Thursday. My lasting impression of all things considered, is that Angela Day is a counter-revolutionary that should be expelled from the Food Party. Comrades, she is bringing the party into disrepute by relying too much on processed food like custard power, and by attempting to sell a hideous low-fat menu under a low-sodium-to-prevent-hypertension cover. It is reprehensible, and we distance ourselves from this deeply embarrassing action. She really must go.

And a post script about revolutionary terminology. Kenny, even if a girl was very horny and slept around a lot, this does not make her a fascist. It makes her promiscuous. I know it’s a big word, but these days ‘slut’ is, well, counter-revolutionary. The revolution also set women free.  Blade, last time I looked, people lived in the Western Cape because they want to, not because they are forced to. In fact, they flock there. Just because these people voted for the DA, it does not make the Western Cape “a bantustan of special order.” Unless you want to argue that they cannot live anywhere else because it is ruled by the ANC.


3 thoughts on “Sex, real custard and the counter-revolutionaries

  1. Hardspear 15 May 2009 / 12:51

    I have both hypertension and hyperlipidemia (high cholesterol). The cholesterol is the genetic inherited kind – of which so many white Afrikaners suffer. You are right though, I know everything I need to know about the condition without there having to be an awareness day. Why? It is not sexually transmitted, it is one of the easiest conditions to diagnose? Do we need to picket for the rights of hypertension sufferers.

    Amen on the low sodium, low fat diet though. Nigella says, she’d rather have a baked potato with a small piece of good quality cheddar cheese than diet food for lunch – meaning moderate your intake, but still go for the good stuff. If you haven’t had real custard made with cream and real vanilla pods, you haven’t lived!

    Bad food makes me depressed. That includes anything baked with margarine. I eat good quality low fat maragine on my sandwiches, but for baking – no, no, no.


  2. Betty Noire 15 May 2009 / 13:22

    I now feel like a character in a Saul Bellow short story. “Her with her foot in her mouth.” Ouch.

    I agreed with everything you say about food, except the margarine. (Transfats!AAAgh!) I think you would really love “In Defense of Food” by Michael Pollan. He starts like this. “Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.” A personal view is that our body-problems come from simply eating too much. I believe one should only eat what one thinks is absolutely delicious, but not too much.
    Great book. (Am a big Nigella fan.)

    Oh, and for the high blood pressure and cholesterol, have you ever read Patrick Holford’s “Food is better medicine than drugs?” Just a thought. Speak soon.

  3. Hardspear 15 May 2009 / 13:56

    No need for the foot in the mouth. I am trying to read ‘The Man who Ate the World’ by famous food critic Jay Rayner at the moment, but I get too hungry, so only little bits.

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