An intimate relationship

24Mar09

Service providers are like lovers.

They make your life richer, more interesting, they take you outside yourself and into the world… they help you connect with other people. I have heard of extreme instances, cases of severe emotional disability, where people claim that their partner “completes” them.

On the other hand, they also lie to you, let you down when you really need someone to lean on and screw around behind your back.

My internet service provider is Mweb, and I have an MTN 3G/HSDPA modem and contract. In the last few days my internet connection has been consistently REALLY slow after five in the evening.  I swear that I wait up to three minutes just to open the home page of WordPress. When I look at the little light on the modem, it is usually on, but not flashing happily, as it does during the day. 

This happens fom time to time, and often it means that I have no internet connection at all. Although my data card works it cannot be “authenticated”. On the few occassions that I called Mweb about this…

(I have to interject… WHY WHY WHY do you ALWAYS have to exlain your WHOLE GODDAMN STORY to the moron who answers the phone, AND give them your e-mail adress, AND verify that you are who you are, WAIT for them to check your account , uhm-and-aah over it, deeply puzzled, and THEN pass you on to someone ELSE who cannot help you EITHER? I have tried to skip this part and by just asking  for a technician, but no luck. It makes me FURIOUS.)

…their response has been inconclusive. Often the guy (always a guy) asks  me to swap the short cable which I use to connect the modem to my laptop with the long cable that comes with the package. They assure me that this gives it a stronger signal. I think this is completely illogical, and hence, crap, and that THEY think I am a horse’s ass, and a female one to boot, so that tell me any goddamn thing they please as long as it is not the truth.

The language of information technology is a very difficult one to learn, because it is not a translation of anything. It is the language of a whole new country, where nothing is what it seems.  (Even this blog site tests me… it really tests me….) To the average geek it makes complete sense to tell me to “download a widget” and to “verify a feed”, but to me, this is gibberish.

If the nature of known languages is completely arbitrary (for those into semiotics), the language of IT is absurd. And those that speak it, think that those of us who don’t are idiots. It’s a bit like thinking a Latvian who speaks no English is necessarily simple. And this assumption is only ever made by cretins.

It makes little sense to stick with a partner that lies to you, steals from  you (I once got a bill from them on which they claimed I downloaded 600-fucking-megabites  on ONE day without being aware of it) treats you badly generally, AND is a 100-per-cent-bona-fide cretin.

So, as soon as my contract expires, I am getting an ADSL line from Neotel. This is not a case of “better the devil you know”. When it comes to choosing between two evils, I am with Mae West:  go for the one you have never tried before. I am looking forward to moving on.



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